Loss is a universally painful experience we all go to great lengths to avoid. From relationship breakups to deaths, or from recent wildfires, earthquakes and floods, loss takes us on a rollercoaster of emotions and leaving us in a totally unknown world. That's because we live our lives oblivious to the fact that our soul asked for this loss as a means for us to learn and grow spiritually. In its own raw, painful way, loss holds the key to unlocking a stronger, more fulfilled versions of ourselves to move us from victimhood to self-empowerment.
A stone sculptor doesn't begin with a masterpiece. They chisel away at a chunk of stone, revealing the hidden beauty within. Loss, too, can feel like the universe wielding a chisel on our souls. Though loss strips away the familiar and the toxic, leaving us exposed and vulnerable, in the end, our spiritual growth will be the masterpiece that comes of it.
The Pain of Loss: Why Loss Hurts So Deeply
The main reason loss is excruciating is because of our deep attachments are severed beyond our control which shatters our ego. We feel sad and angry, off balance, and lost at how to establish a new footing in life. These are the same unpleasant growing pains that happen on a spiritual growth journey, and why times of great loss are the perfect opportunities to begin looking inward to reconnect to the empowerment of self-love.
When my dog and soulmate, Mossi, crossed the rainbow bridge after thirteen years together, my world collapsed. Waking up felt meaningless. I cried, I wailed, and then, amidst the pain, I stumbled upon a phrase that became my mantra: "post-traumatic growth," and started my conscious grieving journey of transformation.
What Is Post-Traumatic Growth?
The concept of post-traumatic growth originates from psychological research and refers to the transformative change that individuals experience as a result of battling through the adversity of loss. But it's also analogous to spiritual growth and reconnecting to self-love. This growth isn't about bouncing back to where we were before our world turned upside down, but about using the struggle as a springboard to learn how to reach new heights of personal development. It's not about "getting over" something, but about creating a more soul-aligned version of ourselves.
Post-Traumatic Growth in Action: Real Stories of Transformation
The sudden absence of a loved one can make us cherish the relationships that remain, to prioritize, forgive, and connect on deeper levels with the living. After losing a job, we might rethink our career path and pursue our true passions. Losing your home in a natural disaster might ignite environmental activism or realize nothing tangible actually belongs to us. Loss can be the compass that redirects us towards a more authentic life, as it's intended to close a door so another can open.
There are so many examples of people who utilized post-traumatic growth and didn't even realize it. Many cancer survivors report a newfound appreciation for life, a deeper sense of purpose, and a strengthened sense of self after facing their mortality. Veterans who heal their PTSD often develop a greater sense of empathy for others, a newfound resilience, and a stronger sense of community through shared experiences.
I have a cousin who survived the 2018 Parkland School shooting in Florida. Unfortunately, his best friend didn't and his life became about speaking out on gun safety. The woman who founded the influential organization MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) lost her son to a drunk driver. Loss can strip away limitations, revealing dormant abilities. The list of people redefining their lives after loss is endless.
Key Areas of Growth After Loss
Each person's journey through post-traumatic growth is unique, but the common thread is a fundamental change in how we view ourselves and our place in the world.
The five key areas where this growth often occurs:
- A greater appreciation of life and nature.
- Deeper more authentic personal relationships.
- New belief of our personal inner strength.
- Recognizing new possibilities for one's life path.
- Significant development of the inherent human spirituality of self-love.
I experienced all five of these areas of growth after my pet's passing. Though embracing the pain of Mossi's absence didn't immediately reveal its gifts, through the process of grieving, With the help of a phenomenal therapist, I gradually began to see the contours of a new self emerging from the wreckage of my old life as we mapped the path to "Steve 2.0." Eighteen months later, loss became my light, leading me to become a spiritual coach, reiki master, an author, as a man overflowing with newfound purpose to share my knowledge of self-love.
The transformation starts with a simple choice: remain a victim of your life circumstances, or grow from the ashes to become the self-empowered rising phoenix. By setting the intention to learn and to evolve, the universe automatically orchestrates your metamorphosis.
The Role of Self-Love in Loss and Grief
You're not broken, only disconnected from self-love. Without this inherent connection to self-love, we wallow in the self-pity the loss triggered from our past unresolved traumas and become trapped in the victim mentality. All those past feelings of lack and disappointment are now choking us like a raging inferno. These intense feelings we never felt comfortable expressing — or even knew how to — come to the surface ready to be released.
When firmly connected to self-love in the context of loss, moving forward isn't just about affirming our worth; it's also about deeply acknowledging our right to grieve, to feel pain and express it, and to take the time we need to heal. It took me 18 months. It means knowing you have the power to seek professional help to better understand and heal the pain, and offering ourselves the same kindness, patience, and understanding that we would offer a dear friend in mourning.
We grieve, yes, but we grieve consciously, allowing ourselves to feel the waves of hurt without getting swept away with self-judgment. We acknowledge the void, the hollowness left behind as a soul lesson, and also recognize, with gratitude, the purpose of the space it creates is for something new to blossom.
How to Reconnect to Self-Love After Loss
As mentioned, the time of loss is a beneficial moment to begin this healing journey to reconnect to self-love, since you've already hit your emotional rock bottom. The healing process is always emotionally challenging because the new you that you desire to be lies outside your comfort zone, and you're already pretty damn uncomfortable.
While there may not be one definitive answer on how to reconnect to self-love, I've written a book based on effective tools used on my own healing journey to guide you step-by-step, to at least get your head above the drowning waters of emotion. Your Trauma Healing Journey: Lifeprint Reiki's Guide to Reconnecting to Self-Love, is the book designed as the first human user's manual.
The Focus of the Book
The main focus of the book is to gain self-awareness of your limiting beliefs and survival personality behaviors that make the loss unbearable. Because the trauma from childhood, and what's been passed down from your ancestors, so shatters the ego, we each unconsciously develop these toxic survival beliefs and behaviors to fill the love voids with all sorts of limiting beliefs, addictions and questionable behaviors. This new self-awareness is accomplished with exercises, journal prompts and activities to help you purge the unresolved darkness within.
In addition, the chapter on my 11 Insights to Happiness will bring new epiphanies of how life on earth actually works with ancient understandings that minimize emotional suffering. The Power of Loss is one of them. And while you may not be familiar with Reiki, the book will teach you how to use your inherent universal life force energy to not only heal yourself and your family, but to also help create your personal spiritual Lifeprint.
Remember, you're not alone. We all travel on this path of loss. With each other's support and the unwavering anchor of self-love, we can navigate the rough seas and ultimately reach the shores of a brighter future. Seek support: Don't be afraid to reach out to compassionate loved ones, a therapist, or a support group or even me. Sharing your story can be incredibly healing.
The world awaits the "You 2.0" to be revealed!
FAQ on Dealing with Loss
How do I cope with the loss of a loved one?
When someone we love dies, only the physical relationship changes. Their soul is now on another dimension of reality you're most likely not familiar with, yet eagerly seeks to maintain that love connection. If you speak to them out loud or in your mind, they hear you. Sit quietly, spend time in nature, meditate, journal, or simply allow the tears to flow to find ways to reconnect to the new paradigm. Ask yourself, 'How can I learn to carry this love in a new way?' Look out for messages your loved ones will send you through dreams, visitations and visible synchronicities, and respond with gratitude. When we learn to surrender to what we can't control, we'll eventually become comforted by the ethereal love connection that remains even when physical presence is gone.
How do I maintain a connection with someone who has died?
Once you understand you're a multidimensional being, you can see what we call 'death' is merely an illusion. Our souls are eternal, so when someone 'dies,' their soul doesn't. Death changes the form of a relationship rather than ending it. You might maintain that emotional connection through meditation, speaking to your loved one out loud or in your heart, visiting a meaningful shared place, looking through photographs, or continuing traditions you shared. Some people experience dreams, memories, synchronicities, or an unexpected sense of presence after a loved one dies; whether or not you currently understand these experiences spiritually or psychologically, they can eventually become meaningful ways of honoring the relationship.
How long does grief last?
There's no timetable for grief, especially when your entire home or life has been swept away. Grief doesn't move in a straight line, and healing doesn't mean that you eventually stop missing someone or your old life. The initial intensity comes from your strong attachment to what was lost, so the sooner you learn to release that attachment and work to uncover the new life the universe has planned for you, the quicker the suffering can end. Grief is a process of allowing the heart to heal enough to hold both the loss and the love, and transform the pain into gratitude, wisdom, and memory.
What are healthy ways to deal with grief?
Healthy grieving involves giving yourself permission to feel rather than judging or suppressing your emotions. Rest, spend time outdoors, move your body gently, write in a journal, meditate, create art, cook comforting foods, talk with people you trust, and seek professional support before the feelings become overwhelming. Spiritual practices like breath work or yoga can provide an additional sense of grounding and connection. Swimming in the salty ocean or taking Epsom salts baths are also very healing at this time. But all this self-care is meant to complement, rather than replace, appropriate medical or mental-health needs that may arise. Most importantly, don't compare your grief journey with anyone else's.
Can Reiki help me find peace after a loss?
Reiki, the universal life force energy that flows through each of us, can be utilized as a quiet space for surrender, reflection, and reconnecting with yourself during a time when life may feel fragmented. A Reiki session with a practitioner may provide an opportunity to slow down, breathe, become aware of your body, and simply be present with whatever emotions are arising. You can also learn Reiki and its symbols to be your own self-empowering healer. Lifeprint Reiki offers an exclusive symbol called the Shin Zo Ho Go that, when meditated on, protects and opens the heart center while healing. Reiki isn't a means to erase grief or replace professional emotional support, but it can serve as a complementary spiritual practice.
Why do I feel so lonely after losing someone?
When we experience the death of a loved one or a relationship break up, much of the pain comes from no longer being able to be the person we were around them. The loneliness is felt because you may have lost a shared world, familiar routines, shared dreams for the future, and a part of your own identity that existed within the relationship. Rather than immediately trying to fill the emptiness with superficial or addictive behaviors, you might allow yourself to sit with the pain to gain self-awareness of the specifics of what's been lost. Over time, healthy new relationships, practices, experiences, and forms of connection can begin to fill the void left by the loss.
What are common symptoms of grief?
Grief can touch every part of our being as our nervous system is thrust into overdrive. You may experience sadness, crying, anger, guilt, loneliness, confusion, body aches, numbness, difficulty concentrating, changes in sleep or appetite, fatigue, anxiety, or a feeling that life has suddenly become unfamiliar. You may also experience glimmers — moments of peace, gratitude, laughter, or even joy — that don't mean you loved the person any less. Grief is not simply an emotion, but a profound process of spiritual realignment. If grief feels overwhelming or persists in a way that significantly interferes with daily life, reaching out to a qualified mental-health professional is an important part of self-love.
How can I turn grief into meaningful growth?
The universe has us experience loss as an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. This reframing of the pain is the keystone for making that growth meaningful, but you must first set the intention for growth. If you've lost your home, it signifies you weren't living in alignment with your soul purpose. The loss of a loved one signifies your soul's need to find your new powerful place in the world without them. Meaningful growth can emerge naturally from loss when we surrender to the universe to point us towards our most authentic self, rather than continue playing the victim. Meaningful growth means grief isn't something you 'overcome,' but is a guiding light to reveal who you really are.